Welcome to Zwift! Y’all are crazy

Oh my GOSH, you guys! I joined Zwift last month to get my cycling butt in gear and am very much still in the “exploration phase”.

 

So, today, France pops up as an option. Cool - that sounds fun. I zoom around France for about an hour doing some speed work and tempo and am about to wrap it up for my 1:10 ride, when I see a little right turn for Ventoux KOM.

 

Sure! That would be a good way to close out a workout, a little 15 minute hard effort like all the other KOMs in England, etc.

 

Holy hell! Zwift should offer warning labels for people like me. I’ll spare you the play by play...for the most part. Those of you that know me know that I’m a bull shark...once I bite into something, I don’t let go. Not a brilliant decision when you have no idea what you are getting into...and only have 2 water bottles.

 

After about 30 minutes, I’m thinking - what the heck, when is this going to end? Around 60 minutes, I summon the energy to text Todd in his home office “H2O”, since I had drained my bottles. He comes down, looks at the ocean of sweat and shakes his head saying that I’ll be the first person to get heatstroke on Zwift.

 

I pass big stone buildings, thinking oh the finish line must be just around the corner. No. The topography changes - now it’s alpine trees and rock...gotta be near the top. NO. People are cheering - clearly the end in near. Wrong again. Oh look, the road is painted with “Almost there”. Liars! How bloody long is this climb!?!

 

The summit markers say 3K...in my calorie-deficit delirium, I’m doing bad math. Finally, the estimated time ticker arrives - end truly in sight.

 

13% pitch for the last push. So mean.

 

But holy smokes, it’s over.

 

I was so shaky after finishing. I laid down on our cool tile floor in the kitchen and left a crime scene outline of sweat behind, before taking in an amazing array of nearby calories!

 

So much for my 1:10 ride.

 

Welcome to Zwift! Y’all are crazy!!